Sometimes falling is as simple as saying hi
Because, somehow, people have this conception that falling in love is something so hard to do, and also so hard to go through and maybe it is. Maybe it is hard to give your heart to someone, but Luhan would rather think of it as another experience in life, two people who meet, grow interest in each other’s life, get to know each others because one of the other finds one at his taste, his type and then they kind of turn out to have chemistry and it turns out, if they keep it up they can fall in love.
He doesn’t understand why, people have this misconception that romance is this huge thing where there’s always someone suffering, cries, tears, broken hearts and all. From as far as he knows, he’s dated lots of people, and he can assure that falling in love is simple, it’s nothing dramatic or catastrophic, although a bit breathtaking sometimes, but it depends on how he matches with his partner.
He chooses them well too, not like he just goes for someone who he doesn’t find attractive, let’s face it, there’s no way he’d know the person personality at first sight, no chance, doesn’t happen in this world. Besides, he doesn’t wander in the streets looking at every person walking by and thinking maybe he will find the next person to fall in love with if he looks at them right in the face, no he doesn’t do that.
He’d rather it surprises him, it comes right at him without a warning, and if he has chosen someone, then he just hopes it works and that it’s the right choice. Seriously, “There’s no need for you to get so worked up, you like the guy, go for it.” He tries to explain once more at Kyungsoo who looks at him like he’s joking or something, “No, I’m serious, the only thing you do is whine and go this little bit crazy when he’s close, do you want me to grab him and tell him you have a crush on him?” He asks earnestly, because it’s really getting to his nerves by now.
Kyungsoo always kind of dramatizes everything, even something as simple as trying to get the person he likes in his pants or to like him back. “Listen, I used to date this guy, Yixing was his name I think, remember?” He asks and Kyungsoo nods, “Well, do you think it’s by sitting and admiring his behind that I got his number at first? Or a quick make out session the next day when we went on a first date after I called him?” Kyungsoo widens his eyes and there’s a light blush on his cheeks as he shakes his head but then he sighs and Luhan knows this is never going to get anywhere.
“I went to him and at least said ‘hi’ you know.” He says and then looks up just as Kyungsoo’s crush is passing by, bag over his shoulders, they are in the university library and it might not be the best place to corner someone and tell them you like them, but he’s kind of annoyed when he sees Kyungsoo quickly look down at his book and avoid all type of view he can have of his crush walking by. Luhan rolls his eyes and before he even has to count to three he waves a hand and slaps Kyungsoo’s book hard enough for it to fall on the floor right when the guy stops in front of them.
“Oh, Sorry,” Luhan says and smiles up at him, dude, Kyungsoo had to choose one giant of all people he could choose with average or normal height, “My friend dropped his book do you think you can—?” Before he ends his sentence the guy picks it up and with a “Here,” he places it in front of Kyungsoo who has managed, fortunately to look up and can’t even stutter an answer out.
“Thank you.” Luhan says quickly and straightens, he hits Kyungsoo’s leg under the table and startles him a bit so he winces and glares at Luhan, “Also,” Luhan says and ignores the way Kyungsoo is frantically looking for an escape, he clasps his feet in between his own, “I’m Luhan, and this Kyungsoo,” He says with a smile, “What’s your name?” First step in trying to get to know a crush, know his name.
“Chanyeol,” The boy says and now he’s Chanyeol, “Oh, well Chanyeol, was nice meeting you, thanks for your help!” Though he hasn’t done much and Luhan is sure Chanyeol is as confused as he looks, but he looks at Kyungsoo and smiles, Luhan has to stop a smirk from appearing on his face because how more obvious can this be, of course he would stare like a dummy at Kyungsoo beaming up at him.
Sometimes, Kyungsoo doesn’t realize he’s pretty, he really forgets that even Luhan nearly hit on him once. When Chanyeol leaves, heaving the bag straight again, he looks over at Kyungsoo’s eyes following his back, “So? Wasn’t that easy?” Luhan winces and pouts at the kick he gets instead and the silent glare and he waits until Kyungsoo’s face melts into a huge grin and all reddish and he smiles, he rather likes that.
“He’s so cute.” Kyungsoo coos and then he sighs, “You think I can do this?” He asks Luhan who shrugs, “Why not, you got the potential.” Kyungsoo nods, “Yeah, of course I can, next time, I’ll say hi,” He motivates himself, “And get his number.” Luhan adds but Kyungsoo shakes his head, “No, no that’s too far.”
“You’re such a lost case.” Luhan shakes his head, “I’ll go get a book, be right back.” They do have to study after all, not like they came here to only see Kyungsoo’s crush and make sure he gets at least his name, at least Luhan is here to study. It’s surprising, always surprising, when he tells people that he enjoys reading, resolving rubik cube, maths problems, sciences discovery channel and all other things that people find boring and at the same time, he enjoys having fun, rock music, a bit of hip on hip thrown in and he can dance like no one else when he goes to the club.
It’s like people expect him to just stay in one category, but he loves doing diverse things, he loves hearing classical music, it’s relaxing but it can also be quiet blood boiling, he loves reading or watching movies, different way to entertain yourself and make time pass, and he also loves dancing, having fun, parties, and studying, knowledge, always put knowledge as a primordial thing in life.
Besides, he was born with a mind that needs to be fed, not like he was going to waste it away. Luhan walks to the science section and goes through the books, he will admit to something about love though, lately, he frowns and sighs, his love life has been empty. He always wondered what it was that people complained about when they were single and had no one to love or that loved them, maybe because until he turned twenty two he hadn’t really considered that it was a problem to be left on his own.
Because with the people Luhan dated, at one point, it always got too boring, and they lose interest and then they start to distance themselves. It’s always on a mutual accord that they decide to break up and stay friends, and as of right now, Luhan can proudly say that half of his friends are made of ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends. He isn’t ashamed to show it, and isn’t ashamed either to tell them how they were when they were dating him. He has even made two of them meet each other and kind of played a matchmaker in the fact that they were now a happy couple thanks to him knowing both.
So basically, Luhan’s love life is kind of empty, dusty, but he didn’t mind until now, until recently. Watching Kyungsoo so flustered and bothered by one single crush, he just thought about it and it just occurred to him that he never felt this way with any of the people he dated. Still, the flutter was there, the sparks—eh, the fireworks—only during new years, the butterflies every time they were close to him or said they loved him—this is not a romantic movie please.
Then he realized then something was wrong with his way of loving people.
Because let’s face it, if he’s been with at least five people, two girls, three guys and until today he hadn’t realized something was wrong and he just did because of the way Kyungsoo was so head over heels for this Chanyeol guy, then yes, something was definitely wrong here. So he had to do something, but he has learned with time and experience, that falling in love isn’t as easy as fucking someone. It takes time, no matter how simple it may be, he can’t just ask for it and it will come, just like Kyungsoo wants to get rid of his crush so badly because he didn’t expect it.
Luhan wants to know that feeling of not wanting to be after someone, to be pinning for someone so bad that he doesn’t even have the courage to say hi. Like seriously, not even a simple hello, how—Luhan reaches for the book he finally found and pulls it out of its shelf, finally—how is it even possible?
He shakes his head, wonders why the book is still stuck there when he just pulled it and then tries again. Is this bad karma for laughing at Kyungsoo’s crush? He sighs and pulls and pulls but then when he finally gets it he stumbles back and realize it wasn’t stuck it’s because someone had been pulling the same book on the other side. Don’t those library have two shelves against each other? He frowns and sends an offended glare at the person standing at the other side.
“Sorry, I didn’t know someone was trying to get it,”
Luhan frowns and just stares, he doesn’t mean to smile, it’s just, the boy’s got cheeks and they are well, they’re round and they’re cheeks you know and they look like they would bounce if they were pinched and he has to narrow his mouth in a thin line so he doesn’t laugh and then clears his throat, “It’s okay,” He says and then stares, he finds unbelievable really unsettling how hard he wants to reach over and try to pinch them, or squish them, or touch them, Luhan wants to do something, he’s never seen a face so made for being molested—in a non sexual way—and it’s itching him until he realizes the boy is walking away after giving a small smile again.
Luhan is quick to speak though the “Wait,” he manages out doesn’t get paste the boy’s ears it seems because he’s gone and with it, some of Luhan’s restrain is also gone, he laughs at himself and shakes his head. Kyungsoo’s cheeks were also pinchable, he nods and walks back to their table.
He has to stare hard because Kyungsoo shifts under his gaze, “What?” He says and Luhan shakes his head, reaches hands and pinches Kyungsoo’s cheeks, he’s just, sure and certain they’d feel different so he sighs and lets go of Kyungsoo not because his friend is whining like a bitch, but because he is disappointed he hasn’t been able to get the itch off his fingers.
Now, Luhan kind of understands Kyungsoo. No, he doesn’t have a crush, but it’s this need, this urge, this pure want that makes him unable to face the boy when he sees him the second time. Luhan doesn’t believe in crushing at first sight, or love at first sight, call it what you want. But he’s pretty sure he’s got to do something, because they’re cute, well his whole face is cute, and he has those glasses and when he smiles his cheeks curves up and Luhan’s obsession for them is starting to grow a bit thicker by now and it’s only been ten minutes since he’s spotted him in the café restaurant.
Kyungsoo is running to him and waiting for a scolding that never comes because Luhan is too busy frowning at something two tables away from them. “Hey, hey, Luhan?” Kyungsoo waves his hand and then he tilts his head on the side and hides Luhan’s sight who just tilts more on the side and it goes on like this until Kyungsoo decides to look behind and spots someone smiling and then quickly looks back at Luhan with a quiet well arched eyebrow.
“Are you checking that boy out?” Kyungsoo asks, and Luhan vaguely mumbles something, but is glad Kyungsoo has moved out of his way until he looks up and he looks at Luhan, like straight at Luhan and he blinks eyes behind his glasses before he shows a small smile and Luhan’s eyes widen ever so slightly and he’s so embarrassed he doesn’t know what to do so he quickly looks away and turns his head back to Kyungsoo.
“So,” Kyungsoo shrugs, “Got something to tell me?” he asks and Luhan shakes his head, blinking and stuttering, he frowns and he’s so fucking slow it’s now that he assesses what Kyungsoo said earlier, “I was not checking anyone out!” Luhan blurts, a bit too loud maybe and it’s got the whole restaurant quiet and looking at him and Kyungsoo laughing because this is just so unlike Luhan and just so funny to watch him hide his face in his hands and sighs embarrassingly.
“Oh god, no really.” Luhan says softer this time, and leans in, “I mean, it’s not like that, you know, I just saw him once, at the library, and since I have this urge.” He stops and narrows his eyes, is this even plausible? Should he tell Kyungsoo how the only thing he’s been obsessing over is the want to pinch the boy’s cheeks or should he not? He will sound mental, so he quickly withdraws in his seat and grabs the cup of tea on the table, “The urge to reach over and squish his cheeks, or pinch them, or play with them.” He says it so softly, his mouth at the edge of the cup that Kyungsoo has to lean over to be able to catch it.
It’s not a surprise that he regrets ever saying it when he gets Kyungsoo laughing so hard he can’t ever stop and now not only are all eyes on them but the boy’s eyes too and Luhan tries to calm Kyungsoo before he starts speaking, because if Kyungsoo starts talking while laughing this whole restaurant will know why Luhan was staring, hell the boy will know why Luhan was staring, he still needs to survive and fall in love and you know, be able to go through his exams.
No regrets can be afforded, he thinks and closes his hand on Kyungsoo’s mouth before he can talk, “You’re attracting too much attention.” Luhan whines softly and glares at his friend, but nothing really does it, though Kyungsoo stops laughing for a bit, “Promise to not talk too loud if I take my hand away.” Luhan says and Kyungsoo nods, he brings his right hand up, Luhan thinks he can trust that, so he lets go.
“You’re a weirdo, just admit you have a crush!”
Luhan face palms, that was loud.
Luhan doesn’t quite like to admit it, actually, no forget it, he’s not admitting to anything, but how does he find himself in this position? Hum, it’s the cheeks obsession, he admits to himself, nods to himself and wonders since when he’s started talking to himself, and looking and stalking a certain boy pretty much the same way Chanyeol did with Kyungsoo, except Kyungsoo is oblivious he never noticed and still until now doesn’t notice and Luhan loves seeing Kyungsoo struggles with the questions such as if Chanyeol feels the same so he doesn’t say anything when he catches Chanyeol watching.
That’s beside the point right now though, because he feels creepier than Chanyeol, and that is a lot if you ask him. Like, even staring while the boy is reading, and even being able to see the title of the book he is reading and feeling kind of proud that he read that book already, wondering if it would be a good topic to converse about and then shaking his head.
It’s when the boy looks up from his book and it’s not the first time he catches Luhan staring, but it’s the first time Luhan doesn’t look away quickly and keeps staring, that he realizes it’s been three weeks and he’s just beaten his record of if he’s interested in someone the first thing to do is go to them and at least say hi.
It’s so simple, he hears himself says to Kyungsoo weeks ago and wonders what is simple in it, why did he think it was so simple. It’s not, and this is what Luhan doesn’t quite like to admit, but he thinks, at first it was just the cheeks—it’s still the cheeks what is he talking about. But like, he’s cute, right, and he laughs and it’s kind of really bright and Luhan likes watching it from afar, like he is doing right now and aware the boy knows, but still staring shamelessly, because why not. If he has to embarrass himself, he then decides, then at least he can embarrass the person who is making him feel this way as well.
And trust Luhan to notice when it’s working, because the boy is stuck on the same page for about three minutes now, and he had been reading rather faster than that before he looked down after catching Luhan’s eyes on him, that are still on him by the way.
He has to say hi, Luhan mentally tells himself and plays with his pencil, it’s so obvious that he’s staring, he’s not hiding it, so he has to stand up, go to him and say hi, yeah, he has to, but instead of standing up his feet are more inclined to moving nervously under the table and his fingers starts tightening around the pencil and he’s staring with a gentle frown now.
He can’t, oh dear lord, Luhan can’t stand and go the table, and say hi, and ask the boy his name, God has been messing with his karma. Totally, this is punishment for never noticing how it was to be with his other partners in the past, this is karma for ever laughing at Kyungsoo’s crush who is enjoying a date with Chanyeol right now while Luhan is suffering here, feeling so pathetic because he can’t even bring himself to say hi to someone, when it was so easy before to do so.
He has to stare, he’s forced to stare when the boy closes his book at the same page, looks down at his things and starts packing, head hung low and Luhan wants him to look up so maybe he can manage a smile, but he knows he doesn’t want to at the same time, because it’s embarrassing, oh god, since when does he find looking at people embarrassing, when did this start?
Great, great, Luhan looks down at his book, trying to concentrate and not let disappointment sink in too deep when the boy leaves his table and starts walking away, great. Maybe another time, if he ever get the chance, but deep down, he feels even more dejected because something tells him he’s going to do the same thing, act the same way if another time ever comes.
The sigh that leaves his lips, is not helping him either but he feels a presence next to him and although he doesn’t want to look up at first, he does so, slowly with a frown, if it’s not Kyungsoo then he doesn’t feel like talking. And oh miracle, wait no hell no, why. Luhan can’t look down because dude, the boy is standing there with a smile on his face and those cheeks, well his whole face maybe, but his chubby cheeks. Oh god Luhan get it together, cheeks aren’t going to be the end of you now, he thinks but really he can’t help it, they’re so pinkish and now turning red under Luhan attention and he stares at the hand that is in front of him and the paper, is that what he thinks it is, because if it is then—Luhan swallows and takes the paper then the boys quickly walks out of the library, out of his sight.
What, just what the hell, just what just happened?
The paper turns out to be a number, a phone number, well yeah not like he’d give a meaningless number. Luhan finds out, his staring has paid off, quite well actually, because he got to see color on his face, and isn’t it bright and pretty and kind of beautiful too and he would totally turn into an artist if he could paint it on an empty canvas or take a picture of it.
“You’re making me sick.” Luhan looks up from the paper he’s been staring at, it’s got wrinkles now, it’s been two days, he has been trying to gather enough courage to call for two days. It’s never happened before. “Did you at least figure it was a crush?” Kyungsoo says and looks up from his book, at Luhan’s head shaking in a negative answer, “What, why are you still denying it?”
Luhan shrugs, “Because, can’t be a crush.” He says and bites his lip, totally can’t. He’s never crushed before, he only ever likes people, and they like him back and then they kind of date, after sex then a month later, they say love you to each other then three months later, they break up. That’s how easy it is to date and fall in love. So Luhan can’t admit this is a crush, it’s too complicated, makes everything difficult.
Even saying hi or calling this number, or managing a smile when he sees him.
“Call him Luhan, if he gave it to you, it means he’s interested and think about it.” Luhan blinks and tilts his head, “He’s probably worried by now, that you don’t want to go further, he’s probably thinking that you led him on and you weren’t serious, he’s probably thinking that he was stupid to think you totally gawking at him might have meant you were interested, you’re probably breaking his heart, and he is probably crying right now thinking about you and he’s probably also mad so he will be angry and like.”
“Stop.” Luhan’s eyes are so wide they could be the same size as Kyungsoo’s normal size he doesn’t waste another minute and pulls his phone out, god he hadn’t thought about that, how did he not think about that, he quickly dialed the number and waited, praying god to not destroy his karma again for being stupid, it really wasn’t his fault this time, he tried. He thinks and crosses his fingers and waits until someone picks up.
“Hi,” He quickly says and the voice at the end of the line answers, it’s soft, it has Luhan’s breathe caught, he’s not sure if it’s the boy’s voice though, he wonders how to say this, he doesn’t even know his name, then he remembers it was on the paper and he looks at it quickly, “Is this,” Luhan stops and tries to read, “Minseok?”
Why the long pause, why, Luhan waits and nibbles on his bottom lip until he hears a soft sigh then a “Yeah, why? Who is this?” his voice is kind of groggy, then he remembers Kyungsoo’s words about him crying because Luhan didn’t call for two days and Luhan was a player thoughts in his mind and he starts to panic but then shakes his head, he shouldn’t let Kyungsoo’s words play on him, most of the times they are too dramatic and stupid.
“It’s Luhan, I just,” Luhan clears his throat, why is this so difficult, “You gave me your number at the library two days ago, and,” Which means he’s interested Luhan, stupid Luhan, back in the days he would have asked Do you want to meet and right now he’s struggling to not just blabber incessant and incoherent words.
“Oh,” he waits and hears a gasps then something fall, sheets rustles, ”Oh, I see erm, I thought, oh wow, okay I thought you, I didn’t think you would actually call.” He sounds so nervous and embarrassed and like he totally wasn’t waiting for this to happen that it makes Luhan smiles. He’s been fidgeting all this time, doing maths in his head to calm down and all it takes is the nervousness in Minseok’s voice and the shuffle of sheets he can still hear and the breathe that should be here but is not, and knowing it’s the same way he’s feeling makes him relax.
“Well, I called.” Luhan says, voice calm, he’s liking this so he settles on his bed for a more relaxing position, ”Yeah,” There’s another pause, not awkward, not heavy, just a pause, ”Why?” Luhan shrugs, then remembers he can’t see it, “Wanted to, that’s what phone numbers are for right? And if they’re given to me by someone I happen to like, it’s even more of an obligation for me to call.” Yes, Luhan just said someone he likes, and it sounded so natural, though when Minseok breathes and stutters, ”Oh, yeah, of course, someone you like, I mean—I guess it should be expected!”
This is too much, Luhan wants to see his face when he’s this nervous, “Can we meet?” He says, eagerly, quickly, it makes him bite down on his bottom lip and wait for another sharp intake of breathe that his ear catches before he hears it, so soft like it’s not quite sure but Minseok’s voice whispers a soft, ”Yeah, sure, anytime.”
At first, it’s a mess of words and silence and nervousness. Because Luhan can’t believe it took him one month to finally get one date, one single date, well it’s close to one month anyways. He knows by the first time they go out though, that Kyungsoo is right, this is different from everything else and he also understands why Kyungsoo couldn’t explain the next day after his date with Chanyeol or how it feels to love someone or like them so much that it’s hard to keep a straight face and a heart not racing when you look at them.
But in the middle of date, near the end, Luhan is reminded how this started, Minseok’s cheeks, he stares at him and down at his cheeks and without being able to help it he starts laughing. It’s obviously a stupid reaction, they’re in the streets walking side by side, and they have talked about almost everything and it’s near the end of the day, night is settling, and it has been nice aside from the awkwardness at first and the quick—sorry it took so long to call, I wasn’t sure, sorry for staring so intently, I wasn’t sure of myself—and also from the getting to know, drinking, eating then laughing together at topics that were slowly bringing them together.
Turns out, Minseok is quite fond of metal and that type of music and he is also versatile, and he loves dancing too and he loves the same flavor of ice cream as Luhan and he kind of gets all flustered and pink, or red when Luhan laughs or smiles at him and looks at him for too long.
“What is it?” Minseok asks and Luhan shakes his head, brought back, “Just, I thought, I wanted to do this for a long time.” Luhan hesitates then shrugs, why not, he goes for it and grabs Minseok’s hand then looks around and pulls him in an alley when no one is paying attention.
“And what did you want to do?” Minseok asks and purses his lips, Luhan fidgets, oh god, this is going to be awkward, and funny and kind of weird, but the itch is still there okay, he needs to do something about it first. “Well, this.” He reaches and pushes his thoughts on the side, leans in and when he finally grabs Minseok’s cheeks with his fingers he stares blinking rapidly at his closed eyes.
“Oh god,” Luhan breathes out then laughs, “They’re softer than I imagined them to be.” He says like he can’t believe it then he’s playing with them and squishing and he kinds of forget Minseok is watching until he feels them puff against the palm of his hands, “You wanted to play with my cheeks?” Minseok says softly, surprise evident on his face when Luhan nods he’s totally taken aback and he can’t hold it in so he laughs and holds his stomach, and he’s crouched in two while Luhan feels quite ashamed but still satisfied with a smile on his face.
“Yeah, kinda weird, right?” He says and Minseok straightens and nods through the tears that are fighting to get past his eyes, “But I like them, have since I saw you in that library.” Luhan confesses, “I think I might have fallen in love at first sight with your cheeks.” He probably is making a funny face because Minseok is laughing again.
“Stop it.” He admonishes softly but really he likes seeing him laugh, the second thing Luhan fell for was probably his laughter and smile, and yeah, he kinds of feel overwhelmed when Minseok stops and stares at him with smiling eyes and he leans in to do something, this time the palm of his hands are flat and not squishing, against Minseok’s cheeks and he leans in until he stops laughing and he—Luhan wants to do it in a normal way, but it’s kind of hard when Minseok isn’t closing his eyes but looking straight at him when he leans down and he goes for it anyways and kisses him.
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